Thursday, June 2, 2016

chicXicana explained...

I don't know what has gotten into me today - that I am finally writing this, but here it goes...

I've owned this domain name for a little over a year, I came up with the idea a little bit over two years ago, and I've been wanting to start blogging with a purpose for over six years.

I remember a day during my last
spring quarter at UCSB- I was in my hometown for the weekend, visiting. I sat at the kitchen table at my grandma's house with her, my mother and five of my tias. My grandmother sat at the head of the table like she always does, my mother sat at her right - during this conversation I sat to the left of my grandmother one chair away from her. I talked about how excited I was to be graduating with dual degrees in Communication and Chicana Studies. No one in my family understood the latter. I explained to them that it was the most beautiful thing - I got to go to school and study about our culture - being a Mexican-American and the beautiful land that I lived in - the in between land we call Nepantla. I can talk about that a little later (in a later post), but for now I want to write about today...

So as I was saying - I sat at that kitchen table that day, surrounded by the mujeres in my family, and I made a promise to my mother that I would write about her life, my grandmother's life and my own life and share it with the world so that everyone would know how amazing we were- and our lives would live on forever. Usually when I shared crazy dreams like this with my mother she would laugh at me and mock me - she usually insisted that my dreams were a bit too big. On this day she said in her broken English "okay". She gave me permission to do it, and with that permission I learned that she truly believed that I could accomplish anything that I set my mind to.

That moment happened six years ago and it sits in the back of my mind everyday. I make excuses, I am too busy with my job, I work all day, come home and clean, and then I went back to school for fun and the ultimate excuse - I am too depressed to write, my mother just passed away. She passed away almost two years ago, and here I am still with all these stupid excuses.

Today, I went to work, worked, went to the gym, cooked dinner, washed laundry, ate dinner, walked my dog twice, listened to some corridos, and cleaned - I then grabbed my computer and said - what the fuck am I waiting for? This blog doesn't have to be perfect or over thought - this blog just needs to do what I said I would do.

So chicXicana is about me - she is me, my mother, her mother, our familia and all the lessons I've learned and continue to learn each day; from the way I get worked up or "passionate" about things that bother me in our society, to cooking, beauty and fashion, the art world and of course the appreciation I have for others doing great things to leave more than just a carbon foot print.

This blog is dedicated to my sassy, stylish momma with all her honest opinions and life lessons - thank you for being the meanest cheerleader I could have ever asked for - I will admit that at first I felt so lost without you - now I know you've never left my side.


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