Monday, March 20, 2017

No one's gonna love you

It's Monday - I can't really say it was a long day because I had a longish weekend that made up for whatever today had in store
I decided to spend the night making myself a new playlist

Something to cheer me up and motivate me after what feels like another rejection

There are 19 days left until my 29th birthday
In previous years, I have been notorious for creating lists of all the things I'd want to accomplish and/or attain
This year I've only had one big thing on my mind
To get back to the place that I was on track for 3 years ago

Loving myself, all of my imperfections and being myself, unapologetically
I try from time to time to pull myself out of this hole, safety nest, I've built

I've failed many times over
And I don't think that I've ever admitted to failure - not even to myself
I've failed myself by keeping my life on autoplay and repeat, on routine, without personal risk

Often times, when I've expressed frustration and doubt in what my life's purpose is
people console me and pat me on the shoulder and say "just keep swimming and everything will work itself out"

No, it is not going to work itself out
I can't be this facade of my previous self
That's not who I am

It's time I did something about it
I can't just let things continue to happen or well not happen - that's not how anything works
I'm tired of it
more importantly I am tired of decisions being made about me in rooms that I am not in

Here's to publicly pursuing my passion for writing and bitching on this little blog I dreamed up years ago

#sorrynotsorry for being hella annoying
You gotta love you - YouTube Playlist


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