Sunday, May 20, 2018

this is... 30

So now that I’m 30 – and all mature (winky face) – I thought I’d take a little longer to reflect on what my goals/list should be…

To be real – turning 30 has been very scary for me; it’s a new decade, I feel like it is the decade where “I’m supposed to know what I am doing with my life” – I’m supposed to master adulting… (yeah – it’s a word) – As a muxer – I feel like there is an expectation that I should have a kid by now…yadaayadda

To be super real – yeah – I might want all those things (eventually) but I ALSO want so MUCH MORE…

In no particular order:

1.      I need to learn how to love myself again; I’m angry, I’m bitter, life is not fair – regardless I need to love myself and cannot expect myself to be perfect and I need to stop comparing my present to my past self
2.      I need a new and consistent personal project to dive into; one thing that I have learned over the years is that I do my best work when my plate is close to full – I tend to drop all the balls I am juggling when I have too much time to relax/consume media/tv (on the internet)
3.      Draft my memoir; my life is super interesting up to this point – who better to document it…
4.      Bring my whole self to work; be Xicana at work – there was a time that I was really in people’s faces about the stereotypes they made and would call them out and try to educate…at one point it became too emotionally exhausting and I just stopped going to work on certain “holidays” – I am trying to find the right moments to embrace the “diversity”
5.      I want to pursue sitting on a Board for a museum here in San Francisco (Mexican Museum)
6.      I need to find a new Mentor
7.      I need to find someone to Mentor
8.      Explore hosting my own PODCAST
9.      Take an actual vacation
10.   Audit some graduate courses in the bay area
11.   Continued work on fitnesssssss and health
12.   Buy a house; or just get a bigger space
13.   Continue to save money
14.   Update budget
15.   Practice patience
16.   Practice your creativity – like the world is missing out, you are missing out by not sharing
17.   Build more altars
18.   Sleep at 7-8 hours a night
19.   Read more actual books
20.   Become an expert in my industry
21.   Attend more local events; support local artists, continue to build a community
22.   Write more letters to mom
23.   Ask Tia Lety to let you make copies of all her digital files of mom
24.   Purge more of the material things in your life
25.   Stop eating things that are bad for you!
26.   Continue to talk about yourself in the 3rd person – it is so cool
27.   Make yourself at least 10 awesome playlists for all occasions
28.   Start collecting vinyl records
29.   Ask Jaime to teach you how to DJ
30.   Spend time with family

Tuesday, May 1, 2018

29 flew right by - here is how I did

A little late – but here is how I did my 29th year; 30thyear list coming your way soon-ish
1.     Pursue a new and different career, be passionate about the work you put into the world; got a new and exciting job, learning a new industry. :) I shoulda done this years ago. 
2.     Continue writing, regardless how hard it is to write about myself, my mom, and others in my life, telling and writing stories make me feel whole; I need to do this
3.     Santa Barbara trip, with Karla + Tania; trip is planned - days are blocked. Can’t wait :) 
4.     Save more money, continue saving more money --> Need to pay off those student loans! wooo (grown up Karen); doing this, also got rid of hella stuff, material things and trying to become a little more strict and sticking to a budget.
5.     Graduate School is waiting for you - Where is Professor CHICXICANA? This is on the back burner for now... but I’m not giving up on this 
6.     More giving back to the community yo!; I definitely started doing this and I am still working on it. 
7.     Coordinate an art show with Adrian; oh man we did so much together in my 29th year, día de Los muertos at SOMArts and he helped install the first art show I curated- extra special thanks to El Comalito Collective for the opportunity 
8.     Start writing some poetry, it doesn't have to be complex or hella deep - it can be about pizza; fail 
9.     Spend more time talking to dad, record his voice - he doesn't leave voicemails; use your recorder; definitely do this but feel weird recording him 
10.  Throw yourself a unicorn themed birthday extravaganza; done 
11.  Can you go dancing more often? I am pretty sure you use to like that; nope :( 
12.  Spend time with Alexia and Annayeli, they are getting old - do some arts and crafts; yes
13.  Take more photos; nope 
14.  Buy yourself a nice camera; nope remember how I’m strict with spending 
15.  Can you stop buying shoes where do you put them all?; nope :( I love shoes 
16.  Hangout with your sister more - take her on a trip to like Vegas or something; nope I need to do this 
17.  Visit Hector; fail 
18.  Make Jaime talk more, maybe try to help him learn how to cook?; haha more like cook for Jaime 
19.  Go for walks more often; yes - we walk to bart now
20.  Be less in a hurry; working on it
21.  Can you please start sleeping before 1AM on weeknights, your body is starting to hate the 4 hours of sleep; hella trying it’s a work in process 
22.  Write your letters to mom, it will help Karen - remember she is always with you; you need to process your feelings; started -  need to do more 
23.  Learn to have patience - life is hard, and no it is not going to get any easier, you just need to be better at life and managing how you process it; I’m getting there… I think
24.  Be nicer to Adrian - you are hella crazy sometimes - he is messy - just accept it; I try – I need to try harder
25.  Stop eating so much pizza (hahaha, jk) - but really... – hahaha – kinda getting better
26.  Paint your nails different colors – I’ve been doing this and practicing more self-care
27.  Wash clothes more often, not like every three weeks, that pile is getting crazy; I got good for a bit but it’s hard when you have to go to a laundry mat and go get cash… though there are hella ATMs around me
28.  Keep working towards your health goals; trying and failing and trying again
29.  Stop saying you are old, all the actual OLD people around you are starting to feel self-conscious; OMG I’m getting old – but I feel forever 25…