per usual looking at this in almost August...a review of 32

Hi - I am sitting here reflecting back on this last birthday list in anticipation of a whole new type of birth this year; cray cray - I know. Idk how many months this pandemic has been going on for - and I am too lazy to look it up - I just know I've been pregnant for almost 280 days and I'm over it and just want this baby out of me, happy & healthy in my arms :)

Here is the look back at last year's list - new commentary in purple!

1. Officially career re-direct myself. I've been saying this for sometime - but time is for real up - I've been at WF for TEN YEARS this September! I need to say goodbye and move on to other things - so if you know of anything you think I'd be ideal for - holla - on the real - ready for the next challenge - I've given that place some of the best years of my 20s - I learned so much and had some great managers, support, mentors - they will miss me and that is okay. I am putting this out into the universe because I am ready for it to manifest. BAHAHAHA - this is turning into 11 years real quick because I added a whole other identity to the mix instead of a career switch, I am officially at a point where - its a job, I am good at that job, I need to provide for my family, I will figure it out down the road once I adjust to this new identity, hustle culture is exhausting. 
2. Declare myself financially stable, continue down the path of being a saver, and take necessary steps to build generational wealth. OMG LOL. While I saved as much money as I could during this time being safe at home - that is all now being redirected into our home, baby and related expenses... We shall be good again, one day, babies are expensive. 
3. Read more books - especially books that are not self help - I need more fiction and non fiction books to feel inspired... We have so many more books now, baby books. 
4. So that I can start drafting my memoir - too soon? Naw - I don't know if you all are ready to know about the life I've lived - I don't know that I believe it most of the time - I have a whole other reason for writing this now
5. Also I need to really share all my random recipes - I haven't gotten to cook for my friends in what feels like years - and I really miss hosting... doesn't my food look delicious on Instagram? por eso soy una gordita... You know cooking is hard when almost everything is off limits and or grosses you out; my relationship with food changed over this last year-ish and I think it will continue to do so.
6. And don't get me wrong - I will probably always be a gordita...but I am getting back to being a healthy gordita - 18lbs down and counting - the fitness and health journey continues and is still on this list and will be on here for life... So I gained 20 lbs for the pregnancy...
7. With the 2 goals mentioned above being related to writing - I also need to improve my writing skills - and no I'm not talking about grammar, spelling or doing jack about my fragmented sentences or my run on sentences - I am talking about embracing the writer I once was and the writer I am meant to be - comical, relatable and all the wonderful things that come with having a conversation with me Idk how I will ever force myself to write again, not consistently, all I do is write to do lists.
8. Actually start up projects that I have been dreaming up for myself for years - bc girl the only thing holding you back is YOU. Projects include but are not limited to:
1. Launching an online store
2. Designing and selling your own creations like: 
1. plants you've grown 
2. art
3. curated clothes and thrift finds So this is why I forced/asked Adrian to build me a green house - I fear losing my whole identity to motherhood. I needed a place outside the house to be alone; with my things, with my passions, to regroup, to create. to be alone with my thoughts. He is currently outside putting up the roof to the greenhouse, I don't think he is going to finish before she gets here and that's okay...but boy did he try. 
9. With that happening - or me attempting to make it happen - I want all my stuff to live in one place - so I will likely need to move off of the application that has hosted this blog all these years an on to an application with other capabilities - So I will be moving chicXicana.com; currently looking at different platforms/applications... Still haven't focused on this. 
10. AND with that I need to actually develop the lifestyle brand that chicXicana was always intended to be - wish me luck because I really need to commit to this and have some real discipline on this... Nope.
11. A very big goal that I have for myself is to learn to work as hard for MYSELF as I do for my paycheck, provided by the "man" - the corporation, I need to take that energy and hustle and put it towards myself - and need to constantly remind myself that it will be worth it (going from corporate monster to maybe eventually small business/entrepreneur monster) Energy has been redirected elsewhere...
12. Some skills I need to work on in order to support myself in becoming and creating/developing the chicXicana brand include but are not limited to: 
1. Learn more about producing all types of content; written, video and general design
2. Get back into photography
3. Dig deep and find/rediscover the social skills I once had before I started hating everyone... 
4. Be a better connector of people, be more willing to help others (good karma comes back around) Haha 
13. Get your MA or MBA online or whatever - stop acting like it is hard - but also probably wait it out until it is affordable again or get with it and work on getting scholarships (ugh! pep talk yourself daily if you have to - like if I have to tell you one more time how much of a genius you are I am going to scream) Pause - I will come back to you; Adrian asked me today if there was anything that I once dreamed of that I have accepted I will no longer have or be able to do - I was very close to saying this - saying that I will no longer pursue higher education for myself - but then I laughed because I know that I will not give up on this - even if it means that I am a retired 65+ year old in college - I will go back 
14. Plan a roadtrip and have fun - like your passport expired and you need to renew it - COVID19 ruined all your vacation plans for the year - go some where - explore and eat some good food and shut the F up. Idk where my passport is. 
15. Take more photos of yourself - um excuse me you use to be so photogenic like what happened - it is like you are afraid of the camera - reality check the camera loves you - say cheese, eat cheese, flash flash take the G D picture!!! Super fail. I even struggled to take photos of my body changing and creating human life - why? Because I am insecure, because this journey has not been for me what I have seen on social media for everyone else. It is sad, and I will likely regret it one day. I just don't feel pretty, gorgeous, etc. 
16. Spend quality time with your family - they are the most important people in the world - appreciate the time you have with them We've tried to do this as much as possible. This last year was very scary - I am still scared.  
17. Continue your journey to stregnthen your natural talents - practice intuition by learning more about Tarot; embrace your green thumb and be the plant mom you want to be ! Working on it..

In previous years I would give myself a super hard time for not getting more accomplished on this list - obviously my perspective has changed - significantly - I did what I could - I survived 32 and now I am trying to survive 33. Hasta later people. 

xoxo, chicXicana